i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
