Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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