He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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