Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
