Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Mom said you looked used
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
