i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
