he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
