the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
