Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
