The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
