please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Panties = found
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
