Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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