The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
