Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
