they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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