And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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