dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
