Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
