I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
do nipples grow back?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
