super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
