I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
