ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
