So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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