dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
