I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
