glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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