She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She bit a glass in half.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
