I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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