best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
