Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
