we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
