You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
