I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
