He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
