At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
