It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
