True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
