Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
His hands were made for my vagina.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
