I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
