It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Fuck appropriateness.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
