you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
