You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
