Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
