Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
