I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
