I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
