i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
