so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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