You can't motorboat a personality
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
