My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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