Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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