Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
