You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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