Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
