Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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