I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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