Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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