he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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